The Art of Letting Go
So one of the things that's been on my heart to write about lately is something I feel as though a lot of us, if not all of us can relate to.
Remember going through elementary school, middle school, high school, and college trying to maintain a group of friends? Well, sometimes, as you grow older, you realize that you cannot always do that. Sometimes life just happens. People drift apart. It's a reality. Maybe you're single and all your friends are in relationships or married. Maybe your friends are having kids, and you're not quite there yet. Maybe, you're just separated geographically due to jobs you've landed. Either way, you're changing. You're growing up...and sometimes that means growing apart.
At first, it can be a gradual, slow process. Not communicating with them as much. Being too busy with school/work/significant other or children to plan a get together or a video chat. In the beginning, you try to make it work. You try to text/call have any means of communication necessary to try and catch up on life or finally get together, but sometimes, it just doesn't work. "Is it me?" you'll wonder or ask? "Did I do something?" - these are the things I ask myself. Take a step back though people, and realize...are you the only one fighting for this friendship? Sometimes, certain people are in your life for a season. The season could be months, years, even decades long. Yet, someway, somehow, that person is gone. Slowly and surely you realize you don't really talk anymore. Sure, you'll still "like" their posts on Facebook and Instagram...but that is as far as it may go.
"So, what now?" you ask yourself. Do you wallow? Do you get frustrated? Do you have unanswered questions? Maybe all of the above. The best thing to do is just let go. If someone wants to be in your life, they will be. They will make the effort to call, to write, to video chat, to grab coffee, or just hang out. (I'm not saying it's all their effort..any kind of relationship is work, and it takes both sides.) The one thing I have learned personally over the last few months is that sometimes people aren't always going to be there. Years go by, people can and will change. Sometimes what you thought seemed like a "forever friendship", was really not as solid as you thought. Are there ways to try and keep your friendships going strong: Yes. (Again, this is a two-way street.)
1- Communicate!! - This sounds like an easy no-brainer when it comes to relationships, but you wouldn't believe how many people hold back. (I'm not saying unload your life story onto someone in the first five minutes, but don't be afraid to show the real you!)
2- Be honest!! - One of the key things in any healthy relationship/friendship is honesty. Lying gets you absolutely NOWHERE. Being caught in a lie is 10x worse. Just be honest, if this person is a true friend, your thoughts are respected.
3- Make Time for Them!! - I'm a very lucky lady when it comes to this category. I've had a solid group of friends for the last 10+ years. One of those girls has been friends with me since we were 4. The reason for that? (one of the many) is that we make time for each other. Sure, it may not be all of us every single time, but we all put in the effort. We all have different work schedules, some of are in relationships, one is married with a beautiful baby boy, and is living in another state! One thing we know is we are all important to one another. When someone is important to you, you make time for them.
Remember people, these writings are merely my opinions from my own experiences. Feel free to agree or disagree. I'm just here jotting down thoughts. Also, I'm not an expert on this by any means. I'm human, I make mistakes, and I just try to learn from them as I continue on through life.
xoxo Andee
Remember going through elementary school, middle school, high school, and college trying to maintain a group of friends? Well, sometimes, as you grow older, you realize that you cannot always do that. Sometimes life just happens. People drift apart. It's a reality. Maybe you're single and all your friends are in relationships or married. Maybe your friends are having kids, and you're not quite there yet. Maybe, you're just separated geographically due to jobs you've landed. Either way, you're changing. You're growing up...and sometimes that means growing apart.
At first, it can be a gradual, slow process. Not communicating with them as much. Being too busy with school/work/significant other or children to plan a get together or a video chat. In the beginning, you try to make it work. You try to text/call have any means of communication necessary to try and catch up on life or finally get together, but sometimes, it just doesn't work. "Is it me?" you'll wonder or ask? "Did I do something?" - these are the things I ask myself. Take a step back though people, and realize...are you the only one fighting for this friendship? Sometimes, certain people are in your life for a season. The season could be months, years, even decades long. Yet, someway, somehow, that person is gone. Slowly and surely you realize you don't really talk anymore. Sure, you'll still "like" their posts on Facebook and Instagram...but that is as far as it may go.
"So, what now?" you ask yourself. Do you wallow? Do you get frustrated? Do you have unanswered questions? Maybe all of the above. The best thing to do is just let go. If someone wants to be in your life, they will be. They will make the effort to call, to write, to video chat, to grab coffee, or just hang out. (I'm not saying it's all their effort..any kind of relationship is work, and it takes both sides.) The one thing I have learned personally over the last few months is that sometimes people aren't always going to be there. Years go by, people can and will change. Sometimes what you thought seemed like a "forever friendship", was really not as solid as you thought. Are there ways to try and keep your friendships going strong: Yes. (Again, this is a two-way street.)
1- Communicate!! - This sounds like an easy no-brainer when it comes to relationships, but you wouldn't believe how many people hold back. (I'm not saying unload your life story onto someone in the first five minutes, but don't be afraid to show the real you!)
2- Be honest!! - One of the key things in any healthy relationship/friendship is honesty. Lying gets you absolutely NOWHERE. Being caught in a lie is 10x worse. Just be honest, if this person is a true friend, your thoughts are respected.
3- Make Time for Them!! - I'm a very lucky lady when it comes to this category. I've had a solid group of friends for the last 10+ years. One of those girls has been friends with me since we were 4. The reason for that? (one of the many) is that we make time for each other. Sure, it may not be all of us every single time, but we all put in the effort. We all have different work schedules, some of are in relationships, one is married with a beautiful baby boy, and is living in another state! One thing we know is we are all important to one another. When someone is important to you, you make time for them.
Remember people, these writings are merely my opinions from my own experiences. Feel free to agree or disagree. I'm just here jotting down thoughts. Also, I'm not an expert on this by any means. I'm human, I make mistakes, and I just try to learn from them as I continue on through life.
xoxo Andee
This is really great. I had a "tight" group of friends in college. The thick and thin type. Or so I thought. Upon leaving college, we had a falling out. It's been two years since then, and we just recently spoke for the first time. Both sides were waiting for an apology. It had become me versus them in a waiting game. After time, I had forgiven them on my own and accepted that an apology would never come. However, upon our recent conversation, I realized that the "them" didn't feel the same way. In fact, they held such resentment towards me, we couldn't even have a healthy conversation until they released two years worth of tongue lashing.
ReplyDeleteWhy am I saying this? Both parties needed to practice the art of letting go. Of course this story has a more distinct line of when the friendship ended then the one described in Andee's post, but the principle still applies. My friends of parties-passed were sincerely hurt by our falling out and had anticipated us being friends forever. However, once I realized our personal convictions and ideals had shifted in different directions, I accepted that we would inevitably grow apart. Because of their inability to let go, they held onto a resentment that has affected them for years.
Please if you feel that a friendship is drifting, after you've made a valiant attempt to reconcile or rekindle, understand that this is a normal part of life. Not all friendships were made to last. Think of all the "friendships" you've had throughout life. To maintain each and every one at best-friend status would be mentally and physically exhausting.
Whatever you decide for your friendships, remember like Andee said, it is a two way street. ALL relationships require work.
Blessings - Elisa